I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
God I need to hump something, right now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
