If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
