Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
