I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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