I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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