i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
