I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
