Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
