I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
