I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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