A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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