he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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