I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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