Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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