we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
