Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
