I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
