just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
