She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
