i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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