Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
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OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️