I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.