I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.