if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.