We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.