my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
