he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
