Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
