My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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