we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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