just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
