For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
