you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
