You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
