Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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