it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
