If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
