you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
