You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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