New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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