yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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