i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
