I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
