He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
