I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
