i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
