I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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