so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
