dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
