Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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