Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
