i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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