i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
