Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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