Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
