I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
