the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
