just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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