Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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