If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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