Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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