Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
