I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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